Sometimes, most of the time, I talk too much to myself.
Few years back I would go out on weekends and hangout with my girlfriends. We were all single. It was fun to have girlfriends whom we can share our problems in the office and gossiping about the guys who never want to understand and finally began tu avoid us and suddenly stopped calling. Yeah..that’s hurt but with your girlfriends around, that became something you can laugh out loud at and in a split second you’ll feel that those guys were not worth it at all.
But today, more than half of the girlfriends already have their own kids, some of them are counting days to walk down the aisle, and the rest are already in a serious relationship.
That’s hurt even more.
Sometimes I think that I might die unmarried. Old or young. Perhaps in the nearest future. So I began to think about all my never-good-enough-deeds; what had I said or done to people around me; are there any offensive posts and photos published on my blogs and facebook; have I ever hurt my parents but never apologize; then I started to filter. I started being extra careful. Just in case if I die tomorrow, or in the next minute, I hope that none of whatever I had published online can be the source of my everlasting sin.
But being careful is always a temporary kind of act. I need someone to remind me constantly.
Another friend just upgraded to ‘in a relationship’ status with someone she just knew, I guess. Which I knew that if I were her, nothing will happen.
Now my question is, what is wrong with me?
Have I truly lost interest in man or simply lost the trust. Or simply the typical ‘not-ready-yet’?