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Archive for September, 2010

The Single Woman’s Dilemma – Episode 5 (Don‘t tell me not to be too picky)

I know when I say that this is not easy…

This is going to be a long entry.

Can anybody guess what’s the favourite question to a single woman approaching 30 like me? Ok. I guess everybody have got it right. I call it The Question.

‘When are you getting marry?’

The same question repeatedly asked and digested for another thousands of times. Please trust me when I say that my ears are already swollen listening to the question and I almost puke every time I heard it said. And to make it worse, listening to their boring irrelevant advices.

‘Don’t be too choosy, dear. Nobody’s perfect.’


My parents asked me about the criteria of man that I’ve bee looking for. So I answered. And after none of the criteria mentioned touched about look and wealth (since I am no better looking or wealthier than most women I knew), I still ended up listening to advices asking me to loosen it a bit so that it would be easier for me to finally find somebody.


If my criteria of the ideal man is that he supposed to be faithful to God, smart, responsible, respects my parents, has good sense of humour, non-smoker, unattached and loves me as who I really am, I should question myself and others, is that choosy? While the fact is I believe that those are the most basic things needed to bring magic and making a marriage last and blessed.

And when they told me ‘not to be too picky’, I asked them to define what ‘picky‘ is to them. And the feedback? A little bit of smoke is ok. Nobody dies marrying a smoker. Plus, what is wrong with a smoker who never skipped their prayers? (Sorry I will never buy this idea since I have my very own reason for not wanting a smoker. I am strictly shutting off the opportunities to smoker. I will not tolerate so please stop asking me to think about it.). Age wise, they said, 10 years older is ok. They might be mature enough to manage a married life. Plus they might be financially stronger. And might as well own some properties. One or two years younger is ok, provided (still..?) they have a strong career to support their own life and the wife after they get married. And unattached? They sighed….

I just listened and said nothing. To tell the truth, I am exhausted.

Now, my mum wants a guy who has a good career with good income and comes from a good family background to be his future son-in-law. That is picky for me even though she can tolerate guys who smoke. And my father, since he is surrounded by good looking single guys with good career (and good income for sure) at his workplace, he considers none of them to introduce to me. Simply because ’they don’t take care of their prayers‘. I call it picky too. And they also smoke. My so-called-ex boyfriend has a great job with a great income, he takes care of his prayers, yet he smoke, plus he has a strange behaviour which was inconsistent with his five-times-praying routines (which I could not accept at all). And my parents called me picky.

Now tell me, is this going to be easy when all of us are actually picky?

To be fair, I found a guy. He is trying hard to improve himself in term of religious matter. He is smart, responsible, respectful, has good sense of humour and not a chain smoker, but I think he is not just that into me. So, nothing had really happened but people still call me picky.

Again, this is supposed to be a long entry….


The Single Women’s Dilemma – Episode 4 (Love is somewhere out there)

I have him in my mind…

I was driving in my car when I saw a couple of lovers in the car in front of me. They looked so loving…they smiled to each other so often and laughed together at something occasionally. They looked perfectly happy. I did envy them and even feeling sorry to myself for being and driving alone all the time.

I wish I can be on the passenger’s seat and let the man I love and loves me too drive while we share sweet ride together. Perhaps we can sing our favourite songs together out loud and laugh to each other’s foolishness but still feel good about it. I might feel contented with him around. I might feel happier. But he does not exist.

It woke me up. The imaginary him was unavoidable but till I meet him, I have to depend on myself and drive the car by my self, alone. I hope I can find him. I know he is somewhere out there.

The Single Woman’s Dilemma – Episode 3 (Go! And never come back!)

When thing is not working, it will never be…

After my first entry of the ‘The Single Women’s Dilemma’ series, I received a text from a familiar number. No name appeared so it was obvious that I deleted that name and that number before.


That was the beginning of everything. And indicated the ending of everything. And I must say, it happened so many times that I am exhausted to keep it calculated.

I told myself so many times before, ’Don’t succumb to it or you’ll break your heart again’.

But I must say that I am a risk taker. So I took the risk. The risk to think that ‘perhaps this time I can do it right so everything will be okay’ or the risk to lose it all and being heartbroken again. So I followed the heart and ignored the mind. Ironically saying, I am a logic person so it’s damn funny for me to just follow what my heart said.

Guess I never learned the lesson.

I remembered putting some clothes in the ‘to donate’ sections because they don’t fit me well and I simply don’t look pretty in them. But after a while, because I forgot to donate the clothes straight away, I unpacked everything and started wearing them again forgetting that the main reason they are stuffed into the boxes were because they just didn’t fit my body. And the truth is, they can never fit. And there they went again. In the boxes. To be donated.

Double stupid works done.

And now, I am looking at that simple ‘Hi’ before unpacking it again. I decided to leave it unreplied. He already has a girl who has my smile (remember?). And that is enough to make me smile with satisfaction before I touched the ‘delete’ word on the screen.

(Evil thought) I always knew it. He never forgets.

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